I remember taking the Dale Carnegie course years ago. You know the one based on the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Truth is, however, that here in Costa Rica I haven’t really put those principles to practice very well. Being a gringo in a Latin country can make one feel quite isolated. Why? I don’t know. I guess there is a language barrier to deal with for one. But it is more than that. In reality, friends (that is, true friends) are hard to come by anywhere. Add a language and culture barrier, or obstacle, and it becomes all the more difficult. I read an interesting proverb this morning that actually confused me a little until I really began to think about it. It says that “the poor are shunned even by their neighbors, but the rich have many friends.” Well I am pretty darn “poor” so maybe therein lies the problem. I just need more money so I can buy more friends! No I really don’t think old King Solomon was trying to convey exactly that message. I think what he was getting at is to get us to think about the concept of what a “friend” really is. If I would shun my poor neighbor, but befriend my rich one, what kind of real friend am I in the first place? What is my true motivation in pursuing friendship? Is it about them, or me? I believe all too often we pursue friendships for selfish motives. We do it with a “what’s in this for me” mentality. Or we just assume that the pursuit of friends is meaningless because after all “they” all just want something from me. Looking at it from either side of that coin, it would appear that the motivation to be either extroverted or introverted is rather selfish, don’t you think? So what’s the answer to this conundrum of companionship? The implication of a book or seminar that teaches us “how to win friends and influence people” is that there exists a strong human motivation to do so in the first place. After all this book and seminar have been around for almost a century. I believe it is safe to say that most people attend Dale Carnegie to enhance themselves economically. We want to expand our networks in order to facilitate our “professional potential.” But those aren’t friends. “Networks” are in essence “parasitic.” True friends don’t latch on to you for what they can suck out of you. It is not that the principles taught in the course are faulty, since most of those are about giving of yourself in order to attract others to you. That’s a great idea. But the proverb seems to get more at the motivational element. That it really should not matter if your friend is rich or poor. What really matters is that there exists the unique synergy that can be found in true friendships. Friendships in which both sides are not in it for themselves, but for the other person. When that level of synergy truly is present there is an opportunity for that magical life experience called “friendship” to actually occur. It is rare, but it can happen….even in Costa Rica.

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